Snowflake's Journal

4:10pm: Dancers
I went to my little sister's dance recital today. She's 13 and has been wearing my clothes and shoes for years. I don't know the exact date that she got taller than me.

Anyway.

There are always acts with tiny tiny little girls, only about 2 feet tall, I swear, wearing these tutus that stick straight out from their waists and running to follow each other around the stage. It really is adorable. Long ago, my little sister was one of them.

I don't remember being disturbed last year, though. You see, there is a mixture of acts. Ballet, hiphop, jazz, modern, and some others.
The first non-ballet act was jazz. I think the girls were 8-10 years old. They were wearing less clothing than the ballerinas, and that's saying alot. Ballet clothes are designed to allow the audience to see all parts of the dancer's body, so that the slightest movement can be witnessed. The 8 year old jazz dancers were wearing short spandex shorts, and a shirt that barely covered their non-existent breasts. Or what should have been non-existent breasts. Some of them had breasts! And not just those that were more "chubby" than others. There were no chubby ones. They were all of the "holy crap how do you fit a stomach, lungs and a liver in that body?" type shape that tends to be the norm for girls these days. And they still had breasts! 10 years old at the most!!

And the choreography! WTF! 8 year olds should not be shaking their hips and chest in a "seductive" manner like that. Who approved this??

None of the other acts (all of which were older, I might add!) came even close to this imitation of sexuality, either in costume or in movement. Granted, the next act would have presented a challenge to a choreographer set on doing such a thing, as the music was the Disney version of "Whoomp, there it is". *raises an eyebrow*
I seriously didn't know Disney did a remake of that song.

There was one act where much older girls did some bellydance-jazz-ballet hybrid. It ROCKED. They weren't so good at the belly dance part, but their body type (i.e. waist circomference of about 5 inches) would certainly limit them on that front. Despite this, it was still cool. The song was the spanish version of Eyes Like Yours, by Shakira.

Anyway, then my sister did her hiphop dance. She's so good. She rocks. I'm jealous. I could never be as natural looking as her. I don't know how she does it. I wish I could dance like that. She made it look so spontaneous, as if there was no choreography behind it at all.

The second act was to Vivaldi's four seasons. My sister was in this as well. She was part of the fall act. It was neat, with the spring dancers being the youngest, and you saw the girls age as the seasons passed. There were pointe dancers in this act, and they were soloists -- "muses" for each season.

I always want to learn dance when I see a dance performance. Dammit I wish I had lots of money and time.

9:17pm: Last Lecture
Today I went to the last lecture.

It's a special "lecture" that the graduating students have the option of going to...it's designed to give some form of special closure to the university experience.

Oddly enough, on the way over, I actually found myself feeling...different. Like I had suddenly gotten older. The campus didn't feel quite like home anymore.

Nobody warned me that it would come all at once.

Roberta Bondar spoke at the lecture. She was my idol...I wanted to be just like her, years ago. I remember an 11-year-old me wanting "to be the first girl on Pluto!" and I seriously figured that by the time I was grown up, people would be on Pluto. It would be forever before I was grown up, so it made sense to me.

She told some great stories in and amid the overall message, which was "never forget what your instinct tells you you should be doing...follow whatever dream you have, no matter how far-fetched it is," which pertains to me a lot, actually.
But she graduated from Guelph back in 1968, and showed the picture of her in the ubiquitous Aggie jacket (Roberta Bondar is an aggie!).

She got the mumps in her third year, and they had to quarantine her. They threw her in a locked room and burned her clothing. Honestly. Apparently she was allowed to receive notes from kind friends in the classes she was missing, and she made a little sign that said "Help" and pressed it up against the window. It makes me smile to think of that.

At the reception (we were almost being treated like alumni!) I was able to speak with her -- I was so tongue tied. I generally have no problem talking with anyone. But I stood there debating talking to her or not, and I eventually just did...and I couldn't think of an intelligent thing to say. So I told her that.
Anyway, apparently she really enjoyed the microbiology courses she took in Guelph (she took every course in every discipline, I swear!) and I thought that was really neat.

But the point is...there are three days until I'm done classes. Not exams, but classes. And somehow it crept up on me. I feel...apart from the campus and the school right now. Like I'm on a temporary visit. The way that I feel when I go back to my high school. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Tomorrow I think I will start saying my goodbyes and my thankyous...there are a lot of people I want to talk to, to let them know I was pleased to interact with them in my stay here. Some of them are just people I would see everyday when I got a hot chocolate. The lady who works at Pages is one example. But there is a handful of people that I should thank, and let them know that I'm pleased to have known them.


On another note, apparently you can get spray-on pantyhose now.
*raises an eyebrow*

10:11pm: Too much left to do
Well, I got back from a band rehearsal that took way too much time out of my evening considering how much I have left to do. Good lord, I have a lot left to do.

And that doesn't factor in the need to study for two major midterms in the next three days.

I really tried to stay on top of things this semester, but I think the courses are designed to thwart that effort. They are structured so that a student taking only that one course -- and doing nothing else, including extracurriculars -- would *still* have trouble keeping up. I'm just not sure how I'm going to pass them all. And that's really all I'm interested in doing. I would be *ecstatic* if I got 51% in every single course this semester.

Oh, and I also have the added stress of creating a good, updated resume tailored to the scientific realm of the working world, and then following up on contacts gained in my summers of temping and making connections. Those connections will be used either for pulling strings or references, or all kinds of stuff.
I don't really worry about getting a job -- I know that I'm in a particularly good position, actually, since I have about 10 different companies that remember me personally as someone they want working for them permanently -- but I *am* worried about not graduating due to failing a core course.

Right now I'm waiting for the phone to be free so I can wish my brother a happy birthday. And I really hope I don't have to wait too long, as I don't want to keep him up, and I want to continue working. I'm not likely to get to bed early today. Or tomorrow...because there's a midterm on tuesday. And then there's one on Wednesday morning, so I'll not be sleeping on Tuesday night either. To make matters worse, there is a MAJOR report that is seriously screwed up in its requirements due on Wednesday.
It's an analysis of a research journal article. Fairly straightforward, right? For some reason, we're also required to find out the life history of the scientists involved, and other useful stuff like that. FUN. Have you ever tried taking a name like "H. Brooks" or something generic like that, and finding the specific history of that person, somehow? How is this supposed to be relevant or help us in any way?

And it doesn't help that we're supposed to follow a sample report that the professor did. She wrote over a page and a half about her main scientist -- because it was *HER*. She used her own research paper! I should HOPE she knows something about her own life. But the likelihood of anyone in the class knowing half as much stuff about any given scientist is not high!!

Gah. I rant when I have work I should be doing. I guess I'll do some work now.

1:00pm: I thought I escaped this when I left residence
Alright, so it's been awhile since I've gone anywhere near my journal. Sorry.

Last night I was diligently learning about PCBs, thinking "Hey, look at me! I'm doing work on a friday night! Yes for discipline!" when four fire trucks pull up and the entire block of townhouses have to be evacuated.

I do not live in residence, this was not a fire drill.

The house two places down from us was apparently on fire. So any house physically attached to it had to be emptied. There were three of us in the house at the time, all girls, and apparently all three of us had the first instinct to run to our closets and grab clothing that we did not want damaged, just in case. Apparently we successfully repressed that instinct.

We joined the ten households that had been evacuated, along with many many people just watching, out in the cold, with the three dogs (mops with legs) that live in the house.

After standing there freezing for a bit, one of the safe households decided to invite everyone in. That was neat, and somehow we all squished in the living room. One of the houses had a young child, so we put on The Lion King to keep her occupied...and, well, us too.

It was nice...a lot of people had never met their neighbors, so we did so last night. We were eventually let back in our house (everything was fine, as there was a one-house buffer between us and the fire) and I think that the house involved was not as badly damaged (by the fire...I don't know about the water) as we all had originally thought. Still, I'm sure we'll all hear about what actually happened on Monday.

I really didn't get to sleep as early as I had hoped, though. I'm tired now.

10:30pm: 2 down, four to go
Well, I've written two exams, and I check WebAdvisor everyday with much trepidation. So far, my marks aren't up.

I am so tired. Tired of being worried about this, tired in general, tired of school. I'm not the only one like that, I know. And I'm luckier than most, because almost everyone I know is going to be here longer than the four years...either because they transferred, or they changed their major, or they're doing co-op or (god forbid) doing bio-med. So I'm lucky. But I still find myself wishing that I wasn't good at sciences -- I would have been forced into music three years ago. As it is, all I'm really doing is dragging myself through a major so that I can get on with my singing career.

Anyway, there's a new Canadian Idol website up now. The auditions start in Manitoba on monday. They don't get here until the 26th of May.
They still haven't announced who the judges are, though. All I have to say is that they're going to be in trouble if they haven't decided on them by the end of the weekend.
Here's a thought: "Everyone who is in line by 8 a.m. will be seen" is what it says. Now, Popstars was only advertised about a week before the auditions. No one knew it was for a solo artist until about then. At 5:00 a.m. there were 500 people in line. By 7:00 there were 900. That's a small-budget production with no advertising before the auditions....
Now, something like 4 million people in Canada watched the first season of American Idol (correct me if I'm wrong, I can't find the reference anymore).

4 million people watch the first one. With 1 week of advertising, PopStars gets 500 people by 5:00 a.m. (I was number 320 or something). With over a year of rabid fans bugging everyone they can to get a Canadian Idol, and more than half a year of advertising for the auditions....I'm guessing there will be *thousands* of people in Toronto by 8:00 a.m. There are 960 minutes between 8 in the morning and midnight. You can't even audition a thousand people in that time. No wonder Popstars only gave us 20 seconds each. (literally -- they had a stopwatch.)

Methinks there's going to be a change in the schedule or something.
Ah well, we shall see. It looks like I'm going to be heading into Toronto hours before dawn again.

9:50pm: Why isn't school over yet?
So I find myself procrastinating by writing in my journal. Which I haven't done for months. *sigh*

I have an exam tomorrow which I have to pass, and I think I can, but I really need to study for. And I have a headache. And I'm hungry. Maybe I should go downstairs and buy something from the store. And check my mail. And take a break....

Anybody want to write my Principles of Disease exam for me?

2:21pm: Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...
I have issues. With my lab partner.
I have several labs this semester, and for the most part, my lab partners are great people. But I suppose everyone's luck runs out sometimes...I just wish it hadn't been on a four hour lab.
You see, this fellow doesn't trust my competency. At all. I was so taken aback at his absolute lack of faith in my ability to even pipette that I was too shocked to do anything about it on the first lab. So I found myself relegated to being his assistant.
Of course, I changed this on the next lab, discovering that I had to be almost rude to be allowed to do anything. I am really astonished...usually I am the one who keeps an eye on my lab partner until I have ascertained that they can be "trusted"...and I generally do it incredibly subtlely and find out pretty soon that they know what they are doing.
He, on the other hand, deliberately does everything, so that I can't screw it up!
The day before yesterday, he made a duplicate broth culture, (you know, in case I forgot, or did it wrong -- the joke is on him, of course, because he used the wrong culture plate), and then the only reason I was able to do anything in the lab was because there were two distinct and separate parts to the lab, so it was required that we split up and work separately. Both parts required a final step to be done today, and he was going to come in this morning to finish his, while I would come in this afternoon (the earliest I could -- at 2:00) to finish mine.
So he comes in in the morning, and finishes his half of the experiment. Then, just before I can come in (1:50!) he goes and does mine. I am just about as un-impressed as one can possibly get.
He was apparently going to leave a note telling me I didn't have to worry about it. Instead I ran into him coming from the lab, and it was not a pleasant encounter. Don't get me wrong...I'm never mean...but I wasn't my usual "oh, it's okay" self -- he knows that the only reason I trekked across campus was to finish the experiment...and I don't think he cares.
You know what the other thing that bugs me is? I'm treated as an aide, or lower. I don't get spoken to, I don't get acknowledged, I don't exist to him. I talk to him and make jokes and generally be social, the way I am in all labs, with all people -- and he doesn't even nod. I am completely ignored. This bothers me, because I usually like to be friends with my lab partner. But I am honestly treated like a lesser person by him. Not even worthy of slight conversation.
I think things may get ugly before the end.

4:57pm: grrrrr
Today I wrote a nice, long, introspective account of the last little while. And then my computer crashed.

9:42pm: School days, school days...
So.

I discovered this morning, as I was leaving, that my first class was on the diametrically opposite side of the campus. This is quite a long walk. Also, the building makes no sense whatsoever. To get to the classroom, which was on the second floor (and so was I) one must descend a staircase, then go down a hallway, then go up another staircase and follow the little paper arrows on the wall.
But other than that, I really like my classes this semester.
In the aforementioned class, the teacher took attendance. And then he let us know that our first field trip is on Monday. *giggles*
It's like middle school!
But it seems really neat, which is great, because the title of the course (Industrial Microbiology) doesn't sound incredibly inspiring. Although we get to make wine.

I'm also taking Principles of Disease, which I'm very excited about, and the teacher is really funny; Microfungi really does sound interesting, because I do think fungi are fascinating. I love slime moulds. Um...what else...Techniques in Microbiology is a biochem class in disguise, with a 4 hour lab, so I think this course may be my stumbling block; and my elective is Intermediate French, and the teacher started speaking french on the first day, and I understood it and was able to respond to his questions with correct grammer and everything. I haven't heard or spoken french for four years. This is exciting. I love languages. Next year: Intermediate Spanish.

My computer is all better now: after troubleshooting for two years, and handing it to the computer guys for two years (they were as baffled as I was) it's working seamlessly. They've replaced every single part of the computer now. There isn't a single piece of hardware in my computer that was there when I bought it. And that includes my hard drive and motherboard.

So I can actually do stuff with my computer now. In fact, I think I'll go play a game. *cheers

2:17pm: Sleep is good
I think I'm sleep deprived.
No matter what happens in the morning, I can't wake up. I think there may have been a fire alarm this morning. I can't tell if it was a dream or not. And somehow I switched off my alarm and went back to sleep without even remembering doing it.

I think I may just sleep for the entire winter break.
But I have to do shopping. Grr. I have one week to do shopping for everyone. Why did I not do at least some Christmas shopping before this, you may ask?
Well, my schedule is such that I am taking six intense science courses this semester. I am presently wasting time before my fifth exam tonight. When the exams are done, I'll do my whirlwind of shopping.

I'm almost done. Yay. I really hope I pass everything.
Had a very, very strange dream last night. Very strange. I won't go into it, because people will start backing away from me slowly when they see me.
And I am truly disappointed in the lack of snow. The cold weather isn't worth it without the snow. I like catching snowflakes and seeing their shape.

Last night I watched a show on A&E called "Cleavage through the ages" or something like that. It was interesting, but they spent about three seconds on pre-20th-century, and that seemed like the interesting part...establishing the historical basis for the obsession...sigh.
Did you know there's a 'Wenches Guild'? I want to join a Wenches Guild!

I don't want to look over my Immunology notes, but I'll fail if I don't....so...